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Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me.

After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are ok, then it’s you.

If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

I’ve wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I’m happy to state I finally won over it.

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.

There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through… There needs to be a monster truck option!

We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will never know them because we hate them.