I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

Of those who say nothing, few are silent.

– Thomas Neill


Distribution of the time you spend in the shower:

2% washing

8% singing

90% practicing fake arguments that will never happen

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When a man come to me for advice, I find out what kind of advice he wants, and the I give it to him.

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Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me.

After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are ok, then it’s you.